This blog is about to get really real. I don’t want to expose myself, and I want to have grace for myself, but tonight I needed to be raw.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the heart lately. I’m reading a book right now that gives the advice that when we are loving and leading people, it’s important that we are making sure that their hearts are healthy, so they are functioning at their full potential as a powerful person.
And yet I failed to recognize that I have been neglecting my own.
Lately I have been saying things that I regret saying. I think we all do this sometimes. The dreaded “foot-in-mouth syndrome”. So I find myself tonight sitting in my room and praying for keys, because I know that it is a habit I want to break. God, what can I do? And then I realize that God in teaching me to lead others through this book, is actually teaching me to lead my own life. To take responsiblity for my actions and my heart.
What have I done to take care of my own heart lately? I realized not that much. I have read my Bible, I have spent time with Jesus, and I have worshiped. But it has been far too long since I sat my heart down in front of Him and said “please search me & know me.” It has been far too long since I said, “God I must encounter your love, and I’m not leaving until I do.” He loves those challenges.
One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 27. In verse 8 it says: “When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, O LORD, I shall seek.”
Something powerful happens when our hearts not only seek God but are loved by him. I have experienced this in overflow, but lately it has been missing. And it’s my responsibility to make sure that every day I say “search my heart. what’s missing?” He knows it way better than I do.
God’s been speaking to me so much about my words. Words have the potential to be my biggest strength and my biggest weakness. But I want them to be my biggest strength. I believe that is who God says that I am.
Luke 6:45 (Amplified) says:
45The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.
If I look at the problem, the problem is not that I’m having trouble with my self-control and speech. The problem is with my heart. Every day I must open it up more and let God fill every place that needs filled. Every day I must expose light to the places that are hidden. I must feast on life and truth and love. I must take every thought captive that doesn’t feed my heart with life and hope.
Think of the life potential if every day we said, “God what can I do to take care of my heart today?” Surely nations would be changed. At the least, we would love more.